Almost 18, financially responsible and NOT Pregnant.

Not quite what you expected it is? Yeah, it was hard work I’ll tell you that. I’m pretty proud of that. I only have one more to get there. The second time should be easy, right?

I just sent my daughter off to work and started thinking about it a little. My actual thought was: HOLY SH*T! My daughter is going to be 18 in three months. I know that sounds like a long time, but it actually sneaks up on you. That’s only THREE months. First of all, this makes me feel OLD. Secondly, this may sound upsetting, but the norm is to be working on your second child before your 18th birthday. No, not my baby. 

My relationship with my daughter is different from what you normally see, at least I feel like it is. Most people see us together and assume that we are friends rather than mother and daughter. However, we have some order to how we do things: Mom FIRST, a friend later. {As mentioned in a previous post}

Teach, guide, and lead by example. Maybe not always in that order, but those are my key ingredients to mothering. This is why my daughter has bills (only two). I’m sorry, paying your phone bill until you’re 25 is not going to happen. What does that teach them? Dependency. Let’s learn to survive on our own instead.

This does work if you’re consistent and you communicate. Let me say that again, be consistent. Communicate. Sometimes I have to say it more than once because my plate is so heavy right now. I need to make sure that I’m keeping myself on track. No one ever said being a mother was easy. I will say this; sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Yeah, its cliche I know, but TRUE!

The majority of my friends have younger children and they haven’t reached these milestones yet. Just an FYI, when your children start reaching those ages…you laugh, cry, and drink wine! e.g.The Drivers License…smile because you can send them to the store whilst you cook, cry when your insurance DOUBLES (just when you got it SO low), which leads you to your favorite bottle of wine.

Oh, wait…driving is not a right. It’s a privilege. I know what you’re thinking, we are supposed to pay for the insurance when they start driving right? Au contraire mon amie, you want to drive you must be licensed and insured. This means the driver pays. In a previous post, I talked about tattoos…that’s not the only thing she pays for.

What do you think is going to happen when you are out on your own? The bills are not going to pay for themselves? I’ve been trying to get that to happen for YEARS…still nothing. *insert laugh* Anyway, her bills now are nothing compared to what they will be when she is on her own. The point is to teach her how to be mindful of her money and not to live outside of her means.

Don’t get me wrong…she is SPOILED. Yes, I’m that mom, but my children know the deal. I know that how I do things is working because they make me proud!

For the record, I’m 28. Now, how many times I’ve celebrated my 28th birthday is another story. I know you were sitting there wondering how old I was, with a child of that age.

Me and that kid…we have fun! =]

 

I’m not like a regular mom…

…I’m a cool mom.

A movie line I think every girl in the English speaking world knows.  But what does it mean to be a”regular mom” or a “cool mom?” Most of us think we had one, and the rest of think our mothers are…well you know.  It goes without saying, and if she’s a GOOD mom, she can see you rolling your eyes. I swear my mom has magic powers or something.

This is the second year that I’ve been asked about how I go about things with my daughter. So…I thought that I would briefly explain.  First of all…Because I said so.  That is the way it is and there is nothing that you can do about it. Second, ok there is no second.

Tattoos and piercings. I allowed her to start poking holes in her face and body at 15. She started drawing on herself at 16. Some people think it’s a big deal. I, on the other hand, do not.  At first, I did, because she asked me for a tattoo before she had an operators license (she was almost 15). In order to make this work, I told her to let me sit on it and we would come to some conclusion later. This took me a while, but I decided that if she waited until I was ready we could do it.  In addition to the legal age to get a tattoo in this state. We also need to set some guidelines, and as long as she agreed, we were good. She now has three piercings and three tattoos.

1. Placement – Where you place your tattoos takes thought.  You are young and will need to get a job. If you cannot cover it up easily for an interview…don’t put it there. Absolutely NO TRAMP STAMPS. 

2. Names – Mom, Grandmother, brother…why do you need anyone else? Other than your grandma, they should only be memorials. Even that is overdoing it. We know your Mom and your brother. 

3. FOREVER – What is done is done…no going back.  No changing your mind. You better think about this seriously. 

4. Relationships No EXCEPTIONS…EVER! I don’t care if you’re together 50 years and you’re 80. Yes, I’m serious. 

5. FOREVER – I mean it…IT’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE…!!!!!  Are you SURE? Did I say FOREVER? 

 

You still want one? “Yes, mom.”

Now that we got the basics out-of-the-way, start saving your money. I do not pay for this habit. My daughter is responsible with money and she knows how to pay her bills and save what’s left (yes she has bills). When there is something that she wants, she gets it.  I have no doubt that she is going to be fine when she is on her own.

So does that make me a cool mom? I’m sure in most cases it does, but that is not what I’m going for.  I know that parenting has a lot to do with how we were raised. That has a direct impact on what happens to our own children. In most cases we want our children to be better than we were.  Unfortunately, there are circumstances where the cycle continues.

Allowing my daughter to get tattoos before she is 18 allows me to guide her into making better decisions, rather than making her wait and making poor choices. I’ve seen plenty of bad tattoos and heard the horror stories. As a parent, I want my child to reach her potential.

My daughter and I have two relationships.  I’m her mom and I’m her friend.  I’m ALWAYS her mom FIRST!

The tattoo pictured is of Japanese Cherry Blossom with her Grandma’s middle name (pronounced Ha-roo-yo). My mother is Japanese and has a very close bond with my daughter (first grandbaby).

Sharina’s 1st Tattoo